Writing about confidence is daunting! For my confidence, at times, feels like a delicate thread, frayed and fragile. Yet, here I am, confessing this to you, and in doing so, finding that I am already standing a bit taller.
Confidence, as I’ve come to realise, begins in the courageous act of admitting its absence. It’s a paradox not easily embraced – to acknowledge one’s lack of confidence is, in itself, a declaration of strength. This first step liberates us from the deceptive trap of believing that we must feel confident in order to act confidently. By confronting this fallacy, we allow ourselves to experience our emotions freely, releasing the additional burden of anxiety and shame that comes from our self-judgement.
Herein lies a secret I’ve unearthed – feeling unconfident isn’t the issue. The real trouble arises when we cling to the belief that we “should” feel confident — as leaders, as influencers, as everyday individuals. We think it’s shameful to falter, to feel doubt. Yet, feeling unconfident is vastly different from feeling ashamed about our lack of confidence. True confidence emerges from a place of radical honesty, from taking ownership of our emotions and how we present ourselves in this often challenging world, without casting blame on others for how we feel.
Real confidence stems from the paradoxical act of owning our feelings of insecurity. It reconnects us with reality, aligning us more closely with the flow of life itself. And what is confidence, if not being in harmony with the truth of our experiences?
So, how do I embrace my lack of confidence and reconnect with the flow of reality? What empowers me to not conceal or suppress my many insecurities? The answer is surprisingly simple yet profoundly difficult – I must let go of my self-aggrandisements. Recognising and accepting that often I really do carry an inflated, unrealistic view of myself – one that occasionally elevates me, making me feel momentarily superior to others, but ultimately sends me spiralling on an exhausting ride of feeling alternately inferior and superior – has been pivotal.
Acknowledging my insecurities and making space for them to simply exist within me, without judgement, has been transformative. It is here, in this space, where I find the most profound form of confidence. This confidence doesn’t come from an absence of insecurity but from knowing how to manage my emotions openly, without repression. It arises from understanding that no matter what challenges life throws my way, I can make room for them. I have the agency to be okay.
This is the essence of true, profound, and powerful confidence. It is not about never feeling low or insecure. I often do! Instead, it is about being equipped to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs with grace and self-compassion. Knowing this, embracing this, is how I find my confidence.
Now, tell me, how do you find yours?